I went to Target a few weeks ago and walked past the movie section where two girls, high school aged, were looking at movies. One girl said to the other, “Hey, there’s ’50 Shades of Grey.’ Have you seen that yet? Oh wait, yeah, you saw it with me.”
High School aged folks. Maybe 15 year olds. I couldn’t help but shudder as I thought of my daughter.
Let me preface this by saying that I haven’t seen the movie and never plan on it. To each his own, it’s just not something I’m comfortable with perverting my eyes with. I have a thing about movies and books and whatever else… it is kind of like eating bad food. Eventually, if you eat non-nutritious foods then it will catch up with you. Same goes for bad movies…
For example, my husband and I used to watch “True Blood” together. It’s plot was interesting enough but the sex scenes and the attitude about “life” (I mean, vampires do need to kill people to eat)… it was just too diminishing. I lasted halfway thru the series and had to stop. My soul was telling me it was full enough on crap. I’m not necessarily saying that the act of watching these kinds of movies is sinful, I just don’t always think anything good comes from it. Potentially, NOTHING good comes from it and only bad comes from it. It’s my opinion that your subconscious is a sponge. Our subconscious houses our dreams at night and wakes us up with bright ideas. Our subconscious has the ability to make you think about someone which urges you to call, email or text only to find out that you were NEEDED by them. If we overload our subconscious with mindless crap, what becomes of it? What happens to it? How is that good for the soul? Anyway, I digress…
The 15 year olds…
I remember listening to a radio program and the hosts were talking about pornography. The man said that he talked to his teenage son about it and said, “Son, whatever you look at, whatever your mind is seeking out now is going to diminish your first night with your wife.” I think he has a point. Whatever we poison our minds with just stays there. Branded even. There are some scenes from TV shows and movies that I’ve never been able to get out of my head. For example, when Reagan’s head twists around in “The Exorcism,” the terrifying water bottle scene from “Sybil,” and when Joan Crawford storms into her children’s room with the wire hanger and screams at them from “Mommy Dearest.” All of those scenes, and more (even worse, much worse), are branded into my brain and turn my skin.
Even though I personally haven’t seen 50 Shades of Grey what I HAVE surmised based on conversations with people who have is that it’s a pretty intense movie. It’s a movie about a virgin who decides to give it up to a sex-crazed kink. Now, what goes on behind closed doors of a committed couple is their own business. What bothers me about this movie, and so many others, is that it is diminishing sex and giving our young people a warped view about life and relationships.
Call me a bit of a romantic idealist… maybe you can call me a purist… maybe a realist. Actually, I think realist works best here. I will say that I think Disney has completely misled generations of girls to what “happily ever after” is like. Tack onto that the ideals of so many things us women wanted… a husband that’s attracted to us yet doesn’t act like a 14 year old boy, being taken care of but not having a subservient role in the family, being needed but not wanting to feel depleted. Hollywood has completely skewed what reality is that we really don’t know what we are getting after we say “I do.”
Tack onto that movies that give an unhealthy and slanted view about sex. Here we have 15 year old girls in a movie theater watching a pornographic movie. Yes, folks, 50 Shades of Grey is a porno.
According to wikipedia:
Pornography (often abbreviated as “porn” or “porno” in informal usage) is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal. Pornography may be presented in a variety of media, including books, magazines, postcards, photographs, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, film, video, and video games.
Some of you are like, “Jamie, so what. 15 year old boys are getting their little fingers on dirty magazines. What is the difference.” This may be where me being me, saying these words, will lose some of you… Maybe even some of my closest confidants.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. – 1 Corinthians 6:18-19
At some point in our societal history, we have been tricked into thinking that certain things are “okay.” That things are “harmless.” That “boys will be boys.” And so many, too many, believe that it is impossible for a man to be a fully sexual and yet sexually moral man, free from pornography or slightly bent with all the sex going on in his brain.
We have been birthed from a society that had a social norm of men having sexual relations with their slave women, with their lady in the city or with their secretary… Presumably because being able to control oneself is just too damn impossible.
So we have girls believing that “boys will be boys” and that is just “normal.” So rush in women’s rights and now the porn industry (or Hollywood in general) has both sexes to market to. And here in comes the teenagers getting their eyes and ears on things they shouldn’t.
A young (hopefully) virgin who is watching 50 Shades of Grey is going to have a very warped idea of what sex life should be like with her first (husband, hopefully). Maybe by watching that movie she thinks she’s going to have to lower her standards in order to get a man to like her or even love her. Maybe by watching that movie she thinks that in order to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man she has to be subservient toward him. I mean, thank you Lord for those amazing young women who have a good head on their shoulders and can sniff out manure when it’s laying around but there are a lot of others who can be misled.
I’m no psychologist or fortune teller. I’m not interested in making this personal blog post a statistical one backing up my thoughts. I’m just throwing it out there in concern as a parent.
Recently, my son said he wanted to watch a cartoon I never heard of on Disney XD. Because I was very busy I asked the questions about the content and he said it was fine so I ignored it. About five minutes later my son comes down the hall, “Mom? Dad? That movie has some bad guys but it’s okay because the good guy killed them. But they didn’t show the killing, they just died.” We changed the channel.
Take away from that what you want from my five year old but might I suggest that if we instill in our kids what is appropriate and inappropriate for their eyes (and hearts and souls) that they can police themselves. Before our children become 15 we need to be training them up to have that switch about what is appropriate or inappropriate for themselves. They need to be confident in those feelings in which they are uncomfortable. If a seemingly innocent kissing session for a teenage girl goes in a direction that makes her uncomfortable, she needs to be confident in her decision to end the event without concern that said boy may not like her anymore. If a group of young men get a disturbing pornographic movie and one boy feels uncomfortable, he should feel completely confident to bail out and go hang elsewhere.
We need to be training up our kids somehow, and better, or else they’ll be watching “50 Shades of Grey” and be ruined forever. The goal in all of this is to train up our children in all aspects of their life… This includes their sexual well being also. We need to be training up adults who are sexually healthy, absent of outside influence telling them what’s good and bad… Because right now society is telling them pretty much everything is good.
I get that this is a touchy subject. I mean, we can teach our children to drive a car or fish but we can’t show them first hand about sex. I understand. And maybe it’s unrealistic of me to consider raising my kids to know what a magical thing sex is to experience with someone you love, rather than something for them to submit to or concede to because of outside pressures, but I’m going to try like hell anyway. Sometimes I do get stuck in utopia…